TIME THERE: 25 min.
TIME BACK: 29 min. (eep)
WEATHER: clear, 10C, 6km/hr wind there; clear, 29C, 25km/hr wind back.
WHAT I WORE: yoga pants, t-shirt, sweatshirt, gloves (sweatshirt & gloves in panniers on the way home)
NOTES:
I was dead. tired. by the end of the day today. My daughter has not been sleeping through the night - last night she woke up at 11:00. 1:00, 4:30, and was up for good at 5:30. I went to bed just after her first waking around 11:30, so imagine how much sleep I got. Combine that with a heavy client load today and by the afternoon I could barely keep my eyes open. At least the bike commute in the morning woke me up, but I had no such salvation during the long afternoon hours.
I'll try to go to bed at some ungodly hour like 9 pm tonight. I need it. I'm wasted. Maybe that's what made my ride home today so long, almost back up to 30 min.! Partway home I started asking myself, "Really? Is it worth it? This is so much effort, so much sweat and planning and biking through wind, and all for what? Maybe I'll lose 8 lbs this month. Compared to how much I have to lose . . . this is definitely not worth it."
I don't know how other single parents do it - the ones who work one, two, three different jobs just to keep food on the table. I've been quite privileged, being able to support my daughter and stay in school (thank you, federal scholarship!). My heart goes out to all the other parents who get to work exhausted, with crusted food stuck to their clothes after a messy breakfast, peering with red-rimmed eyes at the work they have to do and knowing that going home is no reprieve. Getting dinner ready, giving baths, reading stories, cleaning, laundry, packing lunches. Finally snuggling into the covers two hours after their bodies begged them to go to bed, praying for a good sleep and never getting it. All just to start it all over again the next day.
I won't even get into how we're perceived socially - as screw-ups, bad parents, people who selfishly wouldn't just keep together for the kids. I have a lot to say on the subject, but I just don't have the fight in me today. Perhaps another time. Instead, I'm going to shower and read and go to bed early! The best kind of end to a day like today.
Healthy Biker, you are an inspiration. I remember the multiple night-time wake ups, it is soul crushing. I most definitely don't view any single parent as a screw up... instead I think you have to be more organized, more with it, and better able to prioritize what is important, and I admire you. Cliche time: no journey that is easy is worth it. I hope tomorrow is a little bit better.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shelagh!! Your words of kindness are deeply soothing to my frazzled, spittle-caked soul. :)
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