Saturday, May 1, 2010

MONTHLY CHECK-IN

WEIGHT LOSS THIS MONTH: -2 (that means I gained 2 lbs this month!)
WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 35 lbs
DAYS COMMUTED: 16
POTENTIAL COMMUTING DAYS MISSED: 4
BREAKDOWN OF EXCUSES USED BY COMMUTE DAYS MISSED:
Sick - 3 days
Knee Getting Sore - 1 day

OK, body, this is getting out of hand. It made sense that I gained weight last month because I wasn't exercising and I wasn't following any kind of healthy eating plan. In April, I consulted with a dietician and used the EatTracker tool on the Dieticians of Canada website to ensure I was following the eating guide set up for me by the dietician. I bike-commuted most of the month, save for a few days of being sick and one day of knee soreness caused by all that biking in the wind. I've been doing everything I'm supposed to be doing! I even started joining a couple of friends on campus for a half-hour lunchtime jog (well, more like a bouncy walk) twice a week. So, how could I have possibly gained weight this month? WHAT THE HELL???

Maybe it's time to go back to the drawing board. Clearly, following the Canada Food Guide just ain't working for me. So - what to do? How to eat? I know I lose weight on things like the South Beach diet, but I'm a miserable human being while doing so and I can never do it for more than a couple weeks. I know I lose weight calorie-counting, and maybe I should just go back to that, but even that was starting to meet with some disappointing results by February. What am I supposed to do?? Trying to lose weight really sucks! Especially when you're genuinely trying and it just doesn't seem to work.

Oh, the disappointment!! I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that even if I'm not losing weight, per se, I'm still getting healthier with all this exercise. It's a small consolation because I feel like I sure as hell don't look healthy. But what can you do? It seems my body has its own agenda, and it's definitely calling the shots these days. How annoying.




Thursday, April 29, 2010

Week 35 - Day Four: F** That!!

BIKE: Mike
TIME THERE: 22 min. (fo' real????)
TIME BACK: 28 min. (damn wind)
WEATHER: overcast, 2C (-4C with windchill), 28 km/hr tail/cross-winds there; overcast, 8C, 39 km/hr hour head/cross-winds gusting to 50 km/hr back
WHAT I WORE: warm-up pants, turtleneck, waterproof shell, running gloves
NOTES:

All day, I've been sitting at work contemplating the headwinds I'll be facing on the way home. I've checked The Weather Network website obsessively and cringed as the wind increased from 28 km/hr to 39 km/hr gusting up to 50-60 km/hr. I am tired of this damn wind, and I have no intention of battling it the whole way home. I've seen more wind over the last couple weeks than I saw all winter, and my thighs are aching in protest.

So f** this business! I'm taking a damn cab home today. I have no idea how I'll get my bike home, or how I'll get to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll drive tomorrow and shove the bike in the trunk on the way home? Who knows. I just know that I'm tired, my eyes are bloodshot from riding into the wind (I'm serious, I actually get bloodshot eyes from this crap!), and when I woke up this morning my running shoes were still damp from my ride home in the rain yesterday. I'm taking a damn break!! I'm sure my thighs will thank me in the morning.

Oh, come on, Johnson. Are you really going to wimp out because of the wind after biking through -25C weather in the winter? Are you really going to let a stiff breeze stop you? It's just a half-hour ride home, you can manage that! And the wind won't even be blasting you in the face the whole time because of the twisty turns the route takes. Besides, do you really want to be stuck driving tomorrow, even if the weather is nice? And are you actually willing to leave your bike on campus overnight, and possibly over the weekend? Just deal with it! You got here in one piece, it won't be that bad just to get home!

DAMN YOU, BRAIN, AND YOUR STUPID EXCUSES!! Ignoring the plans I was making all day to take a cab home, I just bit the bullet and got on the bike and rode home. Yes, it was mostly into the wind, and yes, that wasn't pleasant. But I got home, didn't I? And I feel good that I didn't wimp out. But man, am I tired . . . I'm definitely hoping to wake up to snow on the ground tomorrow, as the Weather Network is saying is possible. That way I'll have the perfect excuse to drive my lazy ass to work!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Week 35 - Day Three: Worried

BIKE: Mike
TIME THERE: 27 min.
TIME BACK: 30 min.
WEATHER: overcast, 5C, 20 km/hr headwinds there; overcast, rain, 6C, 28 km/hr cross-winds gusting to 39 km/hr.
WHAT I WORE: yoga pants, sweatshirt,waterproof shell, running gloves (gloves in panniers on the way home)
NOTES:

Today, bike-commuting felt slow. It was cold and windy and raining, my leg muscles ached, and even though I went to bed at 9:30 pm last night I still could have easily slept in this morning. I think it's all the fault of the wind. I've learned that at a certain level of windiness, it really sucks to face the wind, but even if it's a cross-wind or tail-wind it still feels damn windy and makes me bike slower. Does anyone else notice that? I figured having a good tail-wind would whisk me home faster and with less effort! But at a certain point, wind from any direction just feels like a really windy day and there's no relief.

Today we had a Staff Appreciation Lunch, during which we were provided with fabulous sandwiches and accompaniments from the Italian Centre, plus a beautiful array of fruits and ice creams for dessert. Yummm! The bad news about a fine spread like that is that I ate more than I should have, and along with too many other days this month of overindulging, I'm left pretty worried about my weight loss for this month. In February I lost very little weight, and in March I gained back what I lost in February, so even if I lose the weight I gained in March that means I've been hovering around the same damn weight for three fricken months. And I don't even know if I've lost any weight this month! My eating has been inconsistent, and my motivation for biking has been low. I'm worried about the weigh-in on Saturday. It really doesn't help that Friday is a colleague's last day, and we're probably going to get a cake for that - and, really, should a weight-conscious lady be eating cake the day before her monthly weigh-in? In response to that, another part of me rises up and says, "Who gives a shit?? You're really going to withdraw from the celebration and deny yourself a piece of good-bye cake? That level of weight-consciousness is pathological, my friend!"

SIGH! The addition of exercise through bike-commuting into my life has helped me make some wonderful lifestyle changes. At the same time, I do want to lose weight, and I want to do it in a healthy way. Denying myself the occasional treat - especially in a social context - doesn't fit with the losing weight in a healthy way goal. It's just straight-up restriction, which isn't healthy (certainly not psychologically). Then again, I really do want to lose weight, and I'm worried that when I step on the scale on Saturday, what I see really won't be something I'll like.

Should I give a shit? Should I not? That is the question . . .

**the following video contains mature language - viewer discretion advised!*

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Week 35 - Day Two: Wind and Rain

BIKE: Mike
TIME THERE: 26 min.
TIME BACK: 26 min.
WEATHER: A few clouds, 5C, 28 km/hr wind there; overcast, light rain, 9C, 33 km/hr wind back.
WHAT I WORE: yoga pants, turtleneck, sweatshirt, running gloves (gloves in panniers on the way home)
NOTES:

Riding in the driving rain, head bent to protect my face while rivulets of water trickle off the front peak of my helmet, I winced at every gust of wind that threatened to knock me over or stop me in my tracks. This would be romantic if I was some employee of the fabled Pony Express, whipping my steed across the wide prairie to get a last-minute stay of execution to the prison. Since I was just trying to get my lazy ass home after a day at work, romantic it was not. It was just annoying.

I hate the wind. I hate the wind almost as much as I hate battling hills. It really doesn't make the ride pleasant, and it seems like I've been seeing a hell of a lot of windy days over the past couple weeks. The damn wind keeps knocking over a 6-ft section of my fence, leaving my backyard exposed to anyone who might fancy the barbecue off my back porch. Every time I right it, it keeps getting knocked down because of this damn incessant wind. Come ON, weather!! Calm down already!

At least I don't mind the rain. In fact, I kind of like it. It's cooling and refreshing, very much a change of pace from the near-drought conditions we've been having around here. It's a welcome shift away from the dry dust bowl that this city was becoming. And the smell of rain, the sound of cars splashing through puddles, the way the streets seem to empty of their people: who can argue with that? It's beautiful.

Here's hoping I get caught in the rain again tomorrow!! As long as that damn wind dies down . . .

Monday, April 26, 2010

Week 35 - Day One: A Case of the Mondays (for everyone but me)

BIKE: Mike
TIME THERE: 25 min.
TIME BACK: 25 min.
WEATHER: clear, 3C (0C with windchill), 15 km/hr wind there; partly cloud, light rain, 11C, 20 km/hr wind gusting to 33 km/hr wind back.
WHAT I WORE: yoga pants, turtleneck, sweatshirt, running gloves (gloves in panniers on the way home)
NOTES:

What a gloomy Monday. Cloudy, cold, a tiny hint of rain in the air on the way home. The energy on campus feels drained, lifeless: it's the last week of finals, and those who are still on campus are barely dragging through. At this point, they're not even consoled by the fact that the school year is almost over - they were feeling that last week as the sun shone and it felt like summer. Now, they're just doing what they can to get through the last push. Even at work, it seems most of my colleagues are coming down with some kind of cold or flu. The mood is low. It feels like everyone is in survival mode.

Good thing for me, biking is sure helping me keep motivated! I showed up for work this morning and my supervisor took one look at me and said, "Wow, you look so vaso-dilated!" (Yes, we do use words like that in regular conversation). Shortly after, another colleague spotted me and said, "Look at you with your healthy glow!" I replied, "It's sweat, actually - just regular hideous sweat - but thanks for noticing!" While everyone else at work slogged through another dreaded Monday, I felt positively chipper. Ahh, it's so nice to make good timing on my bike! I love going fast! I love biking faster than many other commuters I pass along the way!

Apparently when you're a bike-commuter, even cold, cloudy Mondays don't seem so bad.