What I'll Miss About Being Obese

Oh, the things to think about before embarking on a life-altering journey! Any change, even the positive kind, comes with the baggage of having to let go of something else. People who want to get married and finally do still have to deal with the fact that they have to let go of the freedom of their single life, people who are promoted sometimes have to deal with losing their old co-workers and friends, and people embarking on a massive weight loss (like me!) have to let go of those untold good parts of being obese (borderline morbid obese, even, as I just discovered I could hit that fantastic category if I was only 0.5 higher on the Body Mass Index).

The typical story is that overweight people are perpetually unhappy and their lives suck and only when they lose weight do they find happiness, love, and the hidden potential of their formerly useless lives (unless you're Santa, in which case you're jolly and have a loving wife and generally make the world a better place - but, really, do we want to be telling our kids they can be fat AND happy??). As much as I hate to admit that I have bought into that overweight=unhappy myth - and to an extent I have - I have also been living proof that it's not true. I've been remarkably successful with my academic ambitions, I've had several long-term and serious romantic relationships, I'm a generally very fun, happy, and optimistic person, and I've even managed to get myself knocked up - which must mean that men are willing to sleep with me!

I suspect that the only significant thing that will really change when I lose weight is how I feel about myself - my self-confidence and self-esteem will increase, I'll feel more comfortable in my own skin, and I'll look in the mirror and think, "hello, you!", instead of "JESUS! That's ME???" That's a huge reason why I want to lose weight - to feel like I can truly be myself again. I can't say that being overweight has been all bad, though, and in fact there are some serious benefits to it that I'm truly going to miss!

1. HAVING A DIRTY SENSE OF HUMOUR WITHOUT MALE FRIENDS FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME. I have a very dirty sense of humour which I come by honestly (thanks, family!). Throughout high school and through my graduate years, I've been able to tell dirty jokes, make myself and my friends laugh, and then we all clink our beers and take a chug and go on with it. For that brief period in undergrad when I was close to my ideal weight, though, I learned that I had to curtail my sense of humour because male friends would assume my sexual innuendo was me flirting with them and they would fall in love with me. This would always end badly, and I lost a number of good friends that way. The more overweight I am, the more one-of-the-guys I become with my male friends, and having grown up with three brothers, I like being just one of the guys! I can be my vulgar self without fear of someone wanting to propose marriage to me! I can share that "brother-sister" kind of relationship with my friends and not have it get all weird and pervy! When I lose weight, though - it's all over. Back to censoring myself and having a more subtle sense of humour. CURSES!

2. BEING ABLE TO GO OUT TO A CLUB WITHOUT GETTING MOLESTED BY CREEPERS. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are plenty of larger ladies who get their fair share of unwated touching out on the dance floor, but in my experience, ever since putting weight back on I have been able to go out to dance clubs and not feel like I'm being eaten alive by creepy men and their creepy dead eyes and their cold, clammy, creepy hands. Back in the day, most of the time I'd go out dancing with my friends nothing would happen, but once in a while I'd be the recipient of a little ass-slap, or an "accidental" breast touch, or - best of all - the remarkably cheeky hand-up-the-back-of-the-skirt-palm-full-of-ass-grab (I can only assume the man was curious to see whether I was wearing thongs, and whether I was old enough to have pubic hair). Now, I know I can only speak for myself here, but believe it or not, gentlemen, I REALLY don't appreciate people touching me without my permission. I don't want you to come up behind me on the dance floor and start rubbing yourself against me, pretending to dance but really just trying to get in a little dry hump action. Seriously. Control yourselves. I like that since I put on weight, I haven't gotten any of that. It's nice to finally have my personal space respected! When I lose weight again, I will definitely miss that.

3. GETTING TO WEAR BAGGY T-SHIRTS AND STRETCHY YOGA PANTS ALL THE TIME. Oh man, I love me some comfort, and nothing says comfort like hanging out in baggy old t-shirts and stretchy yoga pants that I wore for most of my pregnancy. When I was thinner, I felt compelled to show off my sexy curves with fitted shirts, hip-hugging jeans, cute vintage skirts and cleavage-hawking dresses, and other less comfortable clothes. Now, I lounge around in stretchy pants and baggy t's whether I'm biking to school, going to the mall, or watching a movie on my couch. No, wait, not the movie thing - I'm usually in pyjamas for that, because sometimes even stretchy yoga pants are too restrictive. When I lose weight again, I will undoubtedly want to show off the body that I worked so hard for, but I will indeed miss my days of spending morning, noon, and night in comfortable loungy clothes.

4. PEOPLE TAKE ME MORE SERIOUSLY. It's a brutal catch-22 we're in, us ladies. We are sold the idea that nothing is more important than our looks, and that if we REALLY want to get the world's attention, we have to be good-looking first, then intelligent and ambitious and whatever else second (just look at the public ridicule heaped upon successful, unattractive women to get the idea). If we do end up being that elusive full-package deal, it is usually the beauty that gets all the attention and the rest of our lofty ambitions are shrugged off as distractions from what's really important - how we look in a bikini! Ever since putting on weight, I notice people react differently to me. They listen more intently when I talk about my work, approach me as a colleague, and get down to business more quickly. When I was thinner, even in professional settings I would be approached more as a "girl" than a "colleague", people would be less interested in my work and more interested in whether I had a boyfriend, and I generally felt a much greater need to prove myself to people that I am, indeed, an intelligent, hard-working, and ambitious woman. It's nice to feel like people respect me more as a professional right off the bat now, though I do find it sad that it has to be that way. Anyway, I'm going to miss that. I'm going to miss knowing that the attention I'm getting is for the work I'm doing, and not that interest in my work is an excuse to talk me up.

Now, I must clarify - I was never a model, nor could I ever have been. I'm definitely not among the most beautiful people in the world, regardless of my weight! I probably would have described myself as "cute" or even ventured into "pretty" when I was at my fittest, but even then I never would have described myself as "beautiful". Whatever unwanted attention I got when I was thinner was based on being less-than-gorgeous, which sure makes me feel great sympathy for those women who are truly gorgeous and feel they have more to offer than just their looks.

Anyway, needless to say, all change involves some sacrifice. Perhaps I'll have to start working harder so I can prove myself to people, wearing iron underwear when I go out dancing, and wearing less comfortable clothes once I've lost some weight. But then again, it'll all be worth it: setting a good example for my daughter, that's priceless.