Week Thirteen - Day Two

BIKE: Mike
TIME THERE: 30 min.
TIME BACK: 29 min.
WEATHER: clear, 0C (-4 with wind chill), 11km/hr wind there; clear, 2C (-2C with wind chill), 15km/hr wind back.
WHAT I WORE: yoga pants, turtleneck, waterproof shell, double gloves, scarf
NOTES:
"What the hell is wrong with you? You're the slowest bike out here. You think it's such a triumph still biking when there's snow on the ground? Look at all these tracks - you're not the only one, you're not special. You're just slow. Everyone else is still biking, too, and they're all doing it faster than you, and better than you. Why are you even out here?"

It would seem self-flagellation comes in many forms, and for no apparent reason. I don't know why I was dogged by my own self-destructive negative thoughts today, but I was. They whispered discouragement in my ear the entire time I was on my bike today. I'm working hard, I really am, and maybe that's the problem - with this snow cover, I'm working harder and going slower, and it may very well be just my perception, but it seems like other bikers aren't going as slow as me. Is it possible that I'm just the laziest of the bunch? Or is there something else going on here?

As far as I can see, nobody else has studded tires, they just have heavy treads. Out of curiosity, I want to try riding Eastwood to work tomorrow to see how the heavy treads of my mountain bike handle the snow and ice. Maybe I'm unnecessarily slowing myself down with those studded tires - maybe it's not icy enough to warrant them yet. Maybe I should take a cue from the other cyclists and see how a heavy tread suits the road conditions.

It just hit me how tired I am. I really, really am. I had six hours of sleep on Sunday night because I received a phone call from my daughter's father about our custody arrangements, and this led to an at-times-emotional 2.5 hr discussion which led, in turn, to me going to bed 3 hrs later than usual. Then, on Monday night, my daughter woke up and wouldn't fall back asleep between 2-4 am, leaving me with less than 6 hrs of sleep again. Combine that sleep deprivation with the fact that I'm biking harder than usual, I'm eating less than usual (in a last-minute effort to lose at least some weight this month!), and now I'm just beat. Maybe that's what bred the self-criticism today, with the exhaustion leading me to feel down which then lead to being harder on myself than necessary. Who knows? Well, I guess I should know, being a psychologist, but to be honest, I just don't have the mental capacity right now to think about it.

I need to kick back with my green tea, watch something mind-numbing for an hour or so, have a long, hot shower, and then go to bed. Here's hoping my daughter - and therefore I - will actually sleep through the night tonight! I could sure use it . . .