Week Thirteen - Day Three

BIKE: Eastwood
TIME THERE: 29 min.
TIME BACK: 28 min.
WEATHER: overcast, -1C (-6C with windchill), 19km/hr wind with 30km/hr gusts there; partly cloudy, 5C, 4km/hr wind back.
WHAT I WORE: yoga pants, turtleneck, waterproof shell, double gloves, scarf
NOTES:
Another night of sleep deprivation. I went to bed at 10:30 pm last night in the hopes of getting a solid 8 hrs of sleep, trying desperately to make up for the poor sleep I had the past two nights. Alas, this would not be. Despite my best intentions my daughter had other plans, and she woke up for the day at 4:30 am. A third night of 6 hrs of sleep or less in a row. This doesn't bode well for my cycling . . . or my clients at work, for that matter.

I just wish things were easy. I wish I could wake up one morning and be the size and shape I'm intended to be. I wish I could sleep when I want to, for as long as I want to. I wish I didn't have to worry about money or fear alienating my baby's father by asking him to start paying child support. I wish I could live the life I encourage my clients to live - one that is less stressful, more happy, more healthy, more fun. Less fear. Less worry. A whole lot more time for me.

But that's not going to happen. Not anytime soon, anyway. In the meantime, I just have to find the little things to keep me going so I don't just lay down in the middle of the road and give up. I have to focus on the laughter - how hilarious my daughter looks when she runs, or her ridiculous belly-laugh. I have to focus on the successes, like when one of my clients today decided she doesn't need counselling anymore because she felt like she's doing okay. And I have to practice some compassion - tell myself, and really mean it, that it's ok if I don't lose much weight this month, or that I feel slow on the bike, or that I'm not as fit as I was hoping I'd be by now. It's ok, I know it is.

Sometimes, though, there is a difference between what we know and what we feel. And today, I just feel bad.