Hobbies vs. Relationship

My boyfriend and I recently broke up after dating for about three months. Without either of us really realizing or intending it, our relationship very quickly became a serious, all-encompassing thing that squeezed out time for socializing with our friends and having alone-time. This was more of a problem for me than for him, which caused some friction (perhaps unfairly, as it wasn't necessarily anyone's fault). I suspect it was just an artifact of me having so little time and so much to do that adding one extra thing to my life forced me to ignore other equally important things, and over time that turned into resentment for everything that demanded my time.

Looking back on the past three months, I noticed it was around the start of that relationship that I began to bike less and less. I think a few factors were at play, including the fact that I was starting to feel very burnt out at work and the weather took a turn for the very rainy. Combine those factors with my ex-boyfriend's generous willingness to pick me up from work on days I didn't feel like biking home, my sense of needing to rush home and get everything sorted out before he came over for our late-night hang-outs, and my accumulated loss of sleep (between my daughter's occasional overnight wake-ups, the late-night hang-outs, and our tendency to engage in into-the-night fights when tensions arose) - and you've got a recipe for not biking.

Now, beginning a few weeks ago I had legitimate mechanical issues with my bikes - both of them - and legitimate indecision about what to do with them. Still, I think that if I felt more motivated to bike and felt like I had more time for it, I would have resolved those issues much faster than I did. After all, there was just about nothing that could stop me from biking in the winter months when my motivation was high and I only had three things in my life: work, daughter, and biking. I had a pretty sweet set-up going: I went to bed at the same time every night, I prepared for my next commute in the ample time I had to myself every night before bed, and nothing interfered with my sleep except the occasional daughter's late-night wake-up.

When taken together, all of this has left me to conclude that my former relationship tended to work against my biking habit. That relationship took up a lot of my time and energy, leaving me too crunched for time and too emotionally and physically exhausted to invest in my only hobby. As much as my ex was very supportive of my biking and my other efforts to get healthier, factoring our relationship into my life squeezed out my capacity and motivation to keep doing it. So, now that the relationship is over, I'm elated that I will actually be able to get back to biking again! Huzzah!! Three cheers for silver linings!

I have three more days left of my internship. Then, starting next week, I will be working three days a week at the university and spending the remaining two days a week working on my dissertation. Given that there is a lot of wrapping up I have to do, and cleaning out my office, and transferring my stuff from one building on campus to another, I may not end up biking for another few days. But the moment I get back in the saddle I will be sure to report it here first.

Yippee!! I can't wait!!

Week 45 - Day Five: It's Been Emotional

After a day of going back and forth with text messages and e-mails, then a phone call, and then an in-person visit, as of last night my boyfriend and I have decided to go on a break for the next month and re-evaluate where we stand then. To call everything that transpired yesterday and into the late evening unpleasant would be a significant understatement. It was heartbreaking. I barely slept all night, only finally falling asleep in the early morning hours, then I slept in and was running late when I got up. I left the bike at home and just drove.

A colleague and I went for a 30-40 minute walk over lunch, as we usually do on Tuesdays and Fridays, but today we went farther, faster, and did more hills and stairs to compensate for the fact that I didn't bike-commute. While it's still not remotely the same level of exercise as an hour of biking, at least I know I got some exercise in. That's important when I'm feeling as drained - physically and emotionally - as I am today.

I'm looking forward to a nice big dinner and an early bed time. I'm looking forward to some social time with some friends on Saturday night. I'm even looking forward to mowing the lawn Sunday afternoon. Compared to the process of separating myself from someone I care about, just about anything looks fun.